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Sharapova in Paris

He's not going to help you, dear.

He’s not going to help you, dear.

If you were to learn that in a semi-final match at the French Open this year one of the players served a ghastly 11 double faults, had her serve broken five times in three sets (nearly twice per set) and tossed in a stunning 39 unforced errors, you’d probably speculate we were speaking about the loser of the match.

But no, it’s the “winner” of the match we were referring to.  Despite this horrific level of play Maria Sharapova, perhaps the luckiest human ever born to live, still managed to defeat her opponent Victoria Azarenka and reach the finals of this grand-slam event.

But maybe you think play this shoddy had to have been a freak occurrence? Hardly. In the match before it, Sharapova “defeated” Jelena Jancovic despite making even more unforced errors than she had against Azarenka, a whopping 45 of them, 15 more than she hit winners.  This time, her serve was broken “only” four times rather than five, so slight improvement there to make up for it.  But that didn’t prevent Sharapova from losing every single game in the first set against an opponent not even ranked in the world’s top 15 players.

In case you are keeping count, that’s EIGHTY-FOUR UNFORCED ERRORS in just two matches prior to the finals. Yet she still won.  For contrast, in her two matches before the finals Serena Williams had less than half as many unforced errors.

Sharapova ‘s luck didn’t stop there, though.

She shouldn’t have faced the #18 seed Jancovic in the quarters, instead she should have had to defeat the #7 seed Petra Kvitova, but Kvitova inexplicably lost to an unknown, unseeded opponent early in the draw.

But Sharapova was unabashed. She proclaimed: “I’m proud of the way that I came through this tournament. I have given myself a chance to face the favorite.” Face the favorite and do what, exactly, Maria?  Another dozen double faults, four dozen unforced errors, half a dozen service breaks and still come out the “winner” against the single greatest female tennis player the world has ever seen?

Sharapova stated that she’d need to “do something different” in her finals match against the “favorite,” world #1 Serena Williams.  This was surely one of the most laughable statements in the history of women’s tennis. Sharapova has an utterly one-dimensional game, her strategy being simply to whack the ball as hard as she can while shrieking like a banshee, and hope for the best.  She is simply not capable of making radical changes in her game to suit the circumstances.

So what Sharapova actually did was simply to amplify her standard game to the psychotic level, smashing every single shot with absolute maximum force and hoping for an amazing run of luck.  It worked at first, and she raced out to a 2-0 lead in the first set. But then it stopped working as it inevitably had to, and Williams won the next four games in a row, breaking Sharapova’s serve twice and taking a 4-2 lead.  Then Sharapova managed to hold serve for the second time, reaching 4-3.  By this time, Sharapova had made only 5 unforced errors to 10 for Serena, yet she was still down a service break. She then managed to level the match at 4-4, then promptly lost her own serve to drop to 5-4.  She had given Williams nine break point chances while being lucky enough to convert both of the mere two she received from Williams.  Despite Sharapova’s   manic bashing of the ball, Williams had still hit three times more winners  than Sharapova by the time she easily closed out the first set 6-4.

To open the second set, Sharapova tossed in not one but two double faults, bringing her total to four for the match, and handing Williams two break points.  Williams did not convert, not did she convert when offered a third for the game, twelfth for the match.  Then came the unlucky thirteenth break point chance for Williams, fourth for the match, which was likewise not converted.  The frantic flailing and screeching from Sharapova reached a fevered pitch as the match reached the one-hour mark. A fifth break point for Williams, fourteenth for the match, came and went. Finally, Sharapova held serve, as unforced errors by Williams crept above the level of Sharapova.

In her next service game, a fifteenth break point chance for Williams was converted easily, and Williams was up 2-1. In her third service game, at 1-3, she had game point and struck her hardest serve of the match. It was fired back at her for a return winner, and she lost the next service point as well, bringing deuce. Then she managed to hold. She held two more times, despite another deuce, and then Williams served for the title at 5-4.

Williams began by firing an ace, but followed it with an unforced error to let Sharapova draw even. Then a second ace, just like the first. Then two championship points.  Williams won the title on the first try, with a third ace of the game.  She had now defeated Sharapova in every one of the last 13 meetings. Sharapova has not beaten Williams in nearly a decade, since her freak victories in 2004.

Sharapova was the “defending champion” at the French Open this year, but only because of more dumb luck. She faced Sara Errani in the finals last year, a player who this year only managed to win one game in her semi-finals match against Williams and who was totally non-competitive against Sharapova as well.  In other words, Sharapova cakewalked into last year’s final the same way she did into this year’s, the difference being that last year the dumb luck continued right through the finals and this year it didn’t.

As if to drive the final nail into the coffin of Russian humiliation, while Sharapova addressed the French crowd in English (not Russian!) Williams did so in fluent French, saying that she had told her parents at a young age that she would do so.  Sharapova is by far Russia’s greatest tennis player (she not only holds as many grand slam titles as all other Russian players combined, but holds the career grand slam itself), yet she lives in the USA and learned her game there.  And when forced to confront the greatest American player, she routinely comes up very short.

Appropriately enough, though defeating Azarenka and reaching the finals, Sharapova’s ranking dropped from #2 to #3 after the tournament, Azarenka moving past her to take the penultimate spot.

19 responses to “Sharapova in Paris

  1. Manfred Steifschwanz ⋅

    And your point is WHAT, exactly? And why have you let Depardieu off the hook?

    • larussophobe ⋅

      Our point is that Russian tennis players are highly overrated and misunderstood, just like the Russian economy and the Russian nation itself, and that Sharapova is a particularly egregious fraud.

    • MCCUSA

      Hey manfredzio, do something about those obscene and rather pornographic sounds that russian cow sharapova is making what about to severe her vocal cords…

    • Bohdan ⋅

      Aah go back to sleep Untermensch Limppenis, ‘coz’ as usual you missed the pertinent points! But in a nut shell your beloved shrieking, ersatz Russian banshee, Sharapova put in her usual painful and woeful to listen to shrieking – which I’m positive she uses as a tool to browbeat her opponents into defeat.

      I was extremely glad when I watched the whole game as I’m a fan of Venus’s style of playing. Who gave the banshee back some, with her own style of her grunting, but very mild compared to your beloved shrieking banshee, who at those moments went to pieces and played like the true ‘no hoper’ she is.

      Irrespective of this the better player won – you turd brain. So put that in your marihuana pipe and smoke it! Now have you got this simple message loud and clear???

      Besides the way shrieking Sharapova GLARED at Venus at times was woeful to watch. Because, if looks could kill Venus would have been dead on numerous occasions!

      • Bohdan ⋅

        Sorry LR! I forgot to thank you for your usual EXCELLENT works of art! Could not agree more on your accurate description of this match. As per usual you ‘hit the nail on the head fair and square!!!’

    • Bohdan ⋅

      Hey El Grande Stupido, a.k.a. Limppenis – what in the Dicken’s name has Depardieu got to this with the topic if this thread – which is about shrieking Sharapova screeching like a banshee on the professional tennis court?

    • Bogdan from Australia ⋅

      Simple, self admitted rapist Depardieu LOVES Putler a pedophile…

  2. rutenburg

    Excellent post, Kim. You are back to your form from the distant past. I agree with you htat reaching the French Open final is a horrible embarassment for Russia.

    • larussophobe ⋅

      If you’re not going to read and fairly comment on our content, you won’t be permitted to comment. You completely ignore the main feature of this article, documenting that the way Sharapova reached the finals (and indeed the way she won the title last year) was inherently fraudulent and undeserved. If you want to write in bad faith, do so on your own silly little blog and see who reads it.

      If you’d like to attempt a reasoned argument that Sharapova earned her way into the two finals, we welcome your thoughts. If not, express your bizarre and unreadable nonsense elsewhere.

  3. Bogdan from Australia ⋅

    Kim, the imbroglios of Sharapova are not worthy of your otherwise excellent blog.
    Tell us better what do you think about PUTLER dumping his babushka and taking a younger slave?
    I’ve read that the RIABS are celebrating enthusiastically and hoping that their owner and tormentor will have a litter and thus will be able to establish a new, PUTLERIST DYNASTY .

    • MCCUSA ⋅

      Bohdan, Picture this – putin getting married to that uzbek-russian contortionist kabayeva. Little bastard son will also attend…There will be two religious ceremonies; russian orthodox and muslim; and mr shoigu will sing the russian anthem using the throat singing techniques; apparently the honeymoon will take place in magadan region in one of the gulags…

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